One More Thing For Me To Be Addicted To

**This is my first paid review, courtesy of Games.com and BlogHer. But, really. I got to play games and get paid. And I get to be honest. What's not to love??

It's 7 p.m. in the McKnob house and a night like any other. My toddler, Harmony, is running through the kitchen, naked, with a slice of bologna on her head and my other daughter is dancing from foot to foot impatiently. "Mom! Mom...Mom! Mom! Mom. Mom. MOM."

"What? What? What? What? What? What, Virginia?"

"Look what I can do with Mario!" And with that, she shoves her handheld game in my face and wiggles her eyebrows at me as if I should be equally impressed by this tiny, Italian plumber (who, incidentally, never plumbs) and his battles with turtles and flame-ball-throwing flowers and one enormous moustache. "Wanna try?"

"No. I shouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm old."

I need a break. Even if it's just fifteen minutes, I need to mentally recharge and step away. As I'm contemplating this, my toddler flings the bologna against a freshly painted wall where it sticks and then slowly creeps toward the floor. This is the funniest thing in the history of ever and she squeals with delight as her sister erupts into giggles.

I make a mad dash for my bedroom and find my teenager bogarting my laptop. "Go away. Shoo," I command.

"I'm talking to Jamie!"

"So, call her."

"We don't talk on the phone."

The horror.

"Then text message her or send smoke signals or morse code or carrier pigeons, but go before I box you up and ship you to Nicaragua."

"Why Nicaragua?"

"They live on less than a dollar a day. I like the math."

Sequestered and alone, I decide to give Games.com a shot. The first one I play is Classic Solitaire. The game is very straightforward and I very much like the automatic placement of cards once they've been clicked. I don't have to do any dragging and, quite frankly, I've exercised that hand enough today doing reports at work. It deserves a break, too. I enjoy the way the hint system is set up (cards are highlighted with a red band if they can be manipulated in any way instead of a one option hint) and although the banner ads across the bottom can be a little distracting, overall a good experience.

Next, I move on to Bingo. This really brings memories back. As a kid, I would sometimes go with my grandma to her Bingo games. She took these very seriously, so I had to be quiet and never distract her. After breathing in a carton of cigarettes and being shushed by the other blue-haired ladies at the table, I would wander back into the corner and play with the ink stamp she had given me for distraction. The online game is a lot like those memories except less nicotine and no rubber ink stamps to dot myself with. My only suggestion is an audible groan when Bingo is called (keep it real, yo) and it would be great if you could see the winning card as opposed to seeking out the rules and trying to figure out what you're supposed to do when you first enter. Oh, and there's a typo in the game description. What reads, 'Online Bingo cards are printed automatically MY the Bingo online card generator" should read "BY". Maybe that's taking it a tad far, but I aim to help.

After losing at Bingo a record number of times and using words that are highly inappropriate, I decided to try to Slots. I live within minutes of Tunica, Mississippi, and have often seen the slot zombies, sitting motionless for hours on end, only the tips of their fingers moving as they tap the "MAX BET" button. I have always been curious about the appeal of such a game. I was given a complimentary $100 to spend by the computer which afforded me 400 credits on the quarter machine. I played the "MAX BET" button and managed to lose all hundred dollars in less than 10 minutes. I think that might be a record. However, the noises are realistic, the slots themselves are incredibly realistic and even thought I thought it would probably lose it's realism in payoffs (thinking that I would win BIG! I mean, it's not real money), it did no such thing, which impressed me and that seems wrong, somehow. I did find myself wishing that there were more machines to choose from. In the casinos, you see slots with fruit, cartoon characters and shiny things. Everyone loves shiny things.

Overall it was a very pleasant and amusing way to spend a half an hour and I came back to my family feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever awaited me. As it happens, that was a toddler covered in mustard, an older daughter hopping around the room and maniacally chortling, "I'ma Mario!", and a sullen teenager, staring at the home phone like it was going to chew his face off. At least I won some Solitaire.

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