I went to Target yesterday to buy a
Swiffer. Somehow, in a fit of apoplectic rage, I destroyed the other one. I think it was because someone left it straddling the kitchen floor and I tripped over it.
Floor, meet my face. Face, this is the floor.
Anyway, while picking it up, I noticed a sign underneath it that basically said if I bought a total of 3 Proctor & Gamble products, I could get a Target gift card for $5. So, I looked at the list. I would have to buy Charmin, Tampax and the
Swiffer. I also needed Always (another P&C product, just in case you're ever on
Jeopardy and that question comes up. It could happen).
In reality, I normally buy the Target brand of most things and it seems stupid to spend more money to get a $5 card, but anything that makes me feel like I'm actually getting something in return for putting up with crappy customer service is a bonus in my world. So, like a good sheep, I ate what they fed me and put the overpriced shit in my basket.
I went back, one more time, to make sure I had read correctly. I read the whole sign and the fine print at the bottom. Nope, no tricks. I get my gift card RIGHT AT THE REGISTER. I don't have to send off a hair sample and belly button lint along with 12 box tops and a stamped, addressed envelope to a hut in Guatemala and then wait 8 to 12 years for my card.
RIGHT AT THE REGISTER. Sweet.
I waited through checkout for the girl to exclaim, "Oh, my! Mrs.
McKnob, you get a free $5 gift card!" (Which is a lie. I spent more on the name brand crap than the card was worth, so I actually came out a negative $3 and some change) (Forty two cents) (But, who's counting?). When she mumbled my total and handed me my receipt, I did the unthinkable in my world: I held up the line behind me.
"Um, I'm supposed to get a five-dollar gift card for buying the Proctor & Gamble products," I told her.
I stupidly assumed she would just give me the damned gift card and I would be on my way. Instead, she rounded the counter and started digging through my bags.
"Here's my receipt," I offered. I guess there's a chance I could have switched it out for a fake receipt that I made on my Target printer at home, because she kept rummaging.
"
Hmm. I don't know why it didn't give you the card," she said. She went to another register, ostensibly to call in back-up because this was five, FIVE, THAT'S ONE PLUS FOUR, FIVE DOLLARS we were talking about. She returned with another puzzled associate and they both perused the circular ad. Then my cashier, Anita, started taking my things out of the bag and calling them out to the other cashier.
"Charmin, eight pack, jumbo rolls!"
"
Ok," said back-up cashier.
"
Swiffer wet/dry broom!"
"
Mmm hmm."
"Always maxi pads, 32 count!"
"Got it."
"Tampax, 20 count!"
"That's the problem."
"Problem?" I asked. "My Tampax is a problem?"
A man behind me groaned and went to another line. I
persevered. "Why is Tampax a problem?"
"You have to buy the jumbo box," Anita answered.
The other cashier nodded her head. "Jumbo," she echoed.
"I don't need the jumbo box," I calmly answered. "I'm not planning on becoming a hemophiliac any time soon."
"The
jum-
bo," Cashier 2 enunciated in case I was stupid or deaf or both. "The ad says
jum-
booo."
"I can read. It does not say that on the placard you have in the aisle. Besides, I bought four products! Not just three!"
"This is what the ad says, Ma'am," Anita offered.
"I know that. But four is bigger than three," I whined. "I just want my five dollars."
"Do you want to go back and get the jumbo box?"
"No, I-"
Anita picked up the phone. "I'll just call for an associate to bring one up. I need an associate-"
"Anita," I interrupted. "If you tell the whole store that I need a jumbo box of tampons, I will cut you." I jabbed my Target card at her as menacingly as possible.
"Well, what do you want me to do?" she demanded.
"Nothing," I sadly replied. "You've already killed the joy I would have gotten from that card."
So, out of sheer spite, I'm giving away a $10 gift card to ANY establishment, other than Target. Leave a comment and what store you would like and I'll pick the winner on Saturday!
